The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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