You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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