Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize