he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize