If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
