There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
