whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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