..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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