She is in my trunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
