So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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