So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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