I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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