90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
