for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
