Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
