I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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