what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
