I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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