I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
