franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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