Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She needs sedatives and a leash
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
