Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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