Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
