I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sobbing to NWA
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize