i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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