I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
