I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
