LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
