Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
