This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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