we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
