HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
