Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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