look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
