Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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