so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
