if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
