I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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