So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
