Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
