Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
