I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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