I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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