Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
being pregnant is like rehab
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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