worst night to have a conscience
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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