dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
