using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
