Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
