i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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