Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize