I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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