just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
