Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
