im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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