I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
