I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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