His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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