Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
