Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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