so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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