I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize